Excerpts from my 10th grade journal: Vol. 1

You can probably tell this just by looking at me - by the way, stop looking at me - but I like to rock. God damn do I like to rock. I like to rock anywhere and everywhere. In the shower, at Petsmart, in the streets, the bathroom at Ryan Phillipe's house, Castle Grayskull and just about anywhere else that has clean towels. Do you like to rock? We should rock out sometime. Maybe we could start a band. That would be awesome! I've always dreamed of being in a real rock n' roll band. Or maybe even a grunge band! My cousin Cal took guitar lessons when we were kids but he gave it up to focus on masturbating. I wonder if he still has that guitar? Maybe Cal could be in our band! If I was in a band I would want it to rock so hard. I would make sure that everything we did rocked. I'd have a guitar shaped like a tank but it would also turn into a beanbag chair so we'd have somewhere to chill out after we got done rocking. When I chill out, I chill the fuck out. Do you like to chill out? What do you like to eat when you chill out. I know this is pretty obvious but when I chill out I love to eat shark jerky. It's true. I'm an adventurer. One time I ate an entire beehive just to remove a curse from my grandma's pantry. I've always thought that was a funny word. Pantry. It sounds like panties except you keep food in it. I wish I could meet a nice girl who kept food in her panties. That would rock! Which reminds me, are we still on for rocking this weekend? I got a couple of errands to run in the morning but I should be done by 2:00 or so. What kind of errands? I'm glad you asked. I have to get a boner and then smack it with a fly swatter. It's not so much for medical reasons as it is just for good luck. Hopefully some of that good luck will rub off on our rock band! What instrument do you wanna play? I've always thought of myself as a singer. People tell me I sound like a huge fagfucker when I sing but I'm sure that's what Robert Plant's friends all said to him before started his band, Ted Nugent. I always thought it was weird that the band Ted Nugent was named after Adolf Hitler's dog and it's not actually a real person. Oh well, I guess that's none of my business. But what is my business is rocking. And I'm gonna make it your business too. If you wanna get this band going it's gonna take a lot of effort. On your part. I probably won't have much time to dedicate to it. Between my toilet hunting business and working at my dad's toad farm, I can realistically probably only do saturdays. That's cool though. I'll still rock out with you on my days off. Not so much with you but with your wife. She's always struck me as someone who doesn't fully understand how big her tits are. Oh shit! My aunt just died of starvation. I gotta go.