The Tale of Adams College

In the eighties, there was a not-so-well known city that housed one of the finest institutions in the country: Adams College. Adams was a prestigious school that had a strong computer program. It was a perfect place for an undergraduate student to find him or herself an education.

However, the school had one major flaw in its disciplinary system: if a fraternity vandalized a house, campus police couldn't do damn thing about it. To solve these problems you had to go to The Greek Council, an organization................... RUN BY FRATERNITIES.

We can all see the dilemma here. A bunch of guys in a house get a rock in their window that says "Nerds Get Out," and the only way to get back at the sons of bitches that did the dirty work is to complain to those very same sons of bitches. That's not a way to get anything done.

So the next logical step would be to form a fraternity and get those people out of power.

How would one bring down such mighty power that had jurisdiction over the police?

By winning the yearly festival of weird games... of course.

The festival includes: drinking an ocean of beer while riding a tricycle, coed arm wrestling, tug-o-war, a belching contest, shaking some ropes tied to a barrel, selling shit that no one needs, an awful talent competition, and other events that demonstrate your constructive use of power like raping a football player's girlfriend on the moon.

Yes, if a guy dresses up in a costume and pretends to be a girl's (or guy, I guess) boyfriend so she will unknowingly have sex with him, THAT'S RAPE. Instead of seeking therapy and vengeance against Lewis Skolnick, Betty Childs..... falls in love.

No need to wine and dine this blonde bomb-shell. The key to Betty Childs' heart can be found at the bottom of a bottle of Rohypnol (That's Ruffies!). Lewis must have had a totally radical nerd-wiener with sensationally ticklish geek-jizz to pull that off. After all, five minutes before the sexual assault happened, Betty wouldn't even kiss Lewis after he payed hundreds of dollars to do so. What a whore.

The forced sexual encounter was so fantastic she then breaks off her relationship with her current boyfriend, Stan Gable: the kick-ass football player; the very same Stan Gable that threw the rock into Lewis' window, and who is head of the Greek council. He was dumped like a poisonous, jury duty, mother-in-law, milkshake for reasons which are not logically sewn together. Yes, Stan was a huge dick, but that doesn't matter because Betty was there the whole time acting like a giant bitch. They were perfect for each other.

Anyhoo, that's the famous story of the Adams College Greek Festival Jocky Girlfriend Rape.