Say you're in a some kind of underground, thunderdome-esque, full contact, trivia contest of death and the final question you need to answer to gain your freedom is "how much do farts weigh?" Stay with me. Due to your spectacular performance in the first part of the contest where you breezed through the questions pertaining to Batman's dick, the mating habits of peanut butter and the origins of the international mashed potato wrestling league, you earned a set of life lines to help you answer the question of how much farts weigh. These life lines consist of one odorless Mr. Yuck sticker, a miniature golf scorecard autographed by Kirby Puckett's wife, a Blackberry with full internet capabilities and an empty mayonnasie jar sitting on an one of those old fashioned scales that they use to weigh boxers with. Which of these items is going to help you answer the question of how much a fart weighs in the time alotted, which I've just decided is ten American minutes? If you said the Mr. Yuck sticker, you're fucking creepy. If you said the Kirby Puckett mini golf scorecard, you're fucking creepier. If you said the $250 Blackberry cell phone with full internet capabilities and access to google, the world's fastest seach engine and foremost reference for information, you're just plain fucking dumb. Nope, under these cirmcumstances your best bet would be to weigh the mayonnaise jar, pull your dumpy butt out, rock a fart into the jar, weigh it, subtract the weight of the jar, turn your answer in to Rygor the Trivia Demon and then wave to all your friends spending eternity in his haunted slave pit because they opted to use their Blackberry in a trivia game with a set time limit.
Seriously, if I wanted to wait ten minutes for the internet to access www.wilfordbrimley.com I'd go to my parents house. In 1995.
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"One cubic meter of air weighs about 2.2 pounds, or 1 kilogram. A fart is made up of methane, hydrogen, and hydrogen sulfide. It's that hydrogen sulfide by the way that makes the bad smell, not the methane as many people think.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, a common fart is normally about 1 tenth of a cubic meter. Obviously, some are larger, some smaller. A really big fart would weigh about .4 pounds."
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006050227266