A chronological history of Nu Metal fight songs...

Every style of music garners a certain stereotype from people not familiar with its culture. Warranted or not, these stereotypes generally help define a genre in the eyes of its detractors and more often than not, they are an exaggeration of the genre's most popular artist's negative traits. Snoop Dogg has a few hits? All rappers want to blow up the porch of the local daycare with a bazooka. Marilyn Manson sells a bunch of records? All goth kids want to eat the placenta of your youngest daughter. We're smart enough as a culture not to fall victim to these blanket generalizations. Not all metalheads are fat burnouts. Not all jazz enthusiasts are annoying assholes. Not all polka lovers are dead. It's not that simple. However, in the case of Nu Metal kids, it is. I can say with confidence that every single Nu Metal fan on Earth is an indefensibly dumb, bigoted redneck who likes hanging out with fat chicks. And what do retarded hill people love to do more than anything? Yep, fight. And what does every fight need? You got it, a bitchin' soundtrack. Luckily there have been a few brave Nu Metal bands willing to step up to the plate and bang out enough aggro punch jams to score an entire Royal Rumble. Here is a chronological history of the most popular ones.

(Editors note: I would've included a Slipknot song on this list but I'm writing this at work and even typing the word Slipknot into a search engine gets you arrested and convicted without trial of meth possesion.)

1992 - Rage Against the Machine - Killing in the Name

It appears as though we're finally at a stage in our society where otherwise intelligent people have stopped defending Rage Against the Machine as musically or socially relevent. There was a period when everyone had a friend who fell for their bullshit anti corporate, anti capitalist rhetoric, all while paying 15 bucks a CD to super indy label Epic to hear RATM jack off into their eardrums. Now that there are actual problems to deal with in the world, freeing Mumia doesn't really seem like too big of a fucking deal. Hence, 95% of the lyrics in this song are entirely useless. But wait! If you can stick it out through the first few minutes of this "song" you will get to hear what is arguably the genesis of the Nu Metal fight song. There's a big dumb build up that is the musical equivalent of a porn director whispering "wait for it..." and then boom! It happens. "FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!" screams lead singer Zack De La Whogivesashit, thus providing the soundtrack for countless professional wrestler ring walks and UFC compilation videos. We all kind of get that this was supposed to be in some way anti authoritarian and self empowering but in reality it's just a dude who's heard of Noam Chomsky urging you to become misinformed as well and paving the way for bands across the world to threaten to fight you in their "music".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkuOAY-S6OY

2000 - Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff

Oh yeah, dog, now you're talking to me! It took a few years for the next great beatdown jam to rear its fat, red baseball cap wearing head, but when it did, holy shit was it worth it. Every second of this song is a battle cry to go over to the trailer nextdoor to yours and flex your muscles before throwing a brick through its window. It's the national anthem for backyard wrestlers everywhere. Break Stuff is responsible for more fat chicks getting date raped than roofie infused Twix Bars.

Sample Lyrics:

Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why
But you want justifyRippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!

It reads like the rambling, unfocused journal entries of an autistic eighth grader and it's about as musically compentent as a Jiffy Lube commercial but there's something strangely endearing about it. When those first two dumb chords come in - BERRRR NINT! BERRRR NINT! - you can't help but get a little excited. Granted, it's the same kind of excitement you feel when you see an old man on rollerblades heading for an uncovered manhole but excitement nonetheless. Those two chords send a message to your brain saying "Get ready, dog. In a few minutes you're going to be knuckles deep in chubby girl. And not in a sexual way."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpUYjpKg9KY

2001 - Drowning Pool - Bodies

It only took a year for the gluesniffer fight anthem title to change hands and with it came a whole batallion of overly patriotic, chest beating shitheads. This song was used in more Army recruiting propaganda than Uncle Sam. I have a theory that without Bodies our entire military would consist of seven brothers from Georgia who like to hunt fish with a flamethrower. Though this is cookie cutter, meat and potatoes, missionary position Nu Metal, the song could technically fall under the umbrella of Math Rock since the verses are just the singer counting to four which, let's face it, is pretty gifted for someone in a Nu Metal band. The song is apparently about moshing - which is a word that Nu Metal kids use to describe pushing their fat girlfriend into someone else's fat girlfriend while sticking out their pierced tongue and making a metal hand sign - but it ultimately served to be extremely prophetic when a year later lead singer Dave Williams' body hit the floor for good as a result of Cardiomyopathy. Who knew that eating cocaine cheeseburgers was bad for your heart? The Nu Metal community mourned his loss by not fighting anything for six months. Not even their dogs. This song may have also set the world record for being used in the most UFC fighter entrances but I can't substantiate that since I don't watch gay shit like UFC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO_QntXc-c4

2003 - Trapt - Headstrong

The early 00's were a fertile breeding ground for Nu Metal battle tunes and in the long run, Trapt's (my spell check just exploded) Headstrong might possibly be the most quintessential fight song ever. Let's go down the list: Uncreatively misspelled band name? Check. Clean chorus, loud verse structure? Check. Video containing Nu Metal dorks getting yelled at by authority figures? Check. And most importantly, confrontationally condradicting lyrics? Motherfucking check! In the chorus, singer Ricky FartHelmet instructs you to first "back off" but then boldly claims that he'll "take you on". I'm not quite sure how he's going to take me on if I'm backing off but let's just assume, in his defense, that it's a depth perception issue. He then tells us that either in spite of or because of the fact that he is "headstrong", he will "take on anyone". Yeah? Wouldn't you at least pretend to be, I don't know, body strong or maybe gun strong before you threatened to take on anyone? Are you gonna kick their ass with your stubbornness and sticktuitiveness? And just by looking at this guy, I've compiled a short list of people who would beat the dogshit out of him. Here it is in no particular order.

1. Me
2. Every single person I've ever met
3. Every single person I haven't met yet
4. The still living members of Color Me Badd
5. Asthma

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jKScyP0A40

2009 - Sick Puppies - You're Going Down

Here it is, hot off the press. The newest and most ri-god-damn-dic-fucking-u-fucking-lous Nu Metal fight song yet. Disregard the fact that the verses are literally the exact same melody as Blue Monday by New Order as well as the fact that they have a chick bass player which immediately disqualifies them from being threatening in any way, this song still contains without a doubt the toughest line sang by a Ryan Reynolds look alike in the history of music.

"Don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain..."

This is what your older step brother says to you right before he beats you in Street Fighter 2. This is how villians in Jerry Bruckheimer movies talk right before they pillow fight. This is the kind of thing that my girlfriend says into the mirror before working out. And she's twelve. Yet, in You're Going Down it's supposed to be the last thing we hear before a horrific beatdown at the hands of these folks:












I know, pretty scary. And there's a line in this song, actually twice, where he says "I feel the heat comin' off of the blacktop, and it makes me want it more". Want what more? The blacktop? I'm not saying that I need him to spell it out for me but if you're gonna talk about asphalt in a song called You're Going Down at least have it be something about tombstone piledriving someone's face into it or powerbombing them out of a fourth story window and burying them underneath it.

More sample lyrics:

It's been a long time coming

And the tables' turned around

Cause one of us is goin', One of us is goin' down

I'm not runnin', it's a little different now

Cause one of us is goin' ONE OF US IS GOIN' DOWN!!!

Please note that I didn't put that last part in caps. That's exactly how I copied it from their lyrics page. I'm assuming it's supposed to show just how hard one of them is going down. If you don't believe me about this being the new meth head fight jam, how about some proof , motherfucker? These are random comments from the video's youtube page.

Whitishkyle - Good song,i would use it for fighting music

Jsb25704 I don't give a fuck about the video, this song is fresh and new to the scene and I love it nice raw power. Great boxing intro song for sure.

Atlloveforever I know, this song gets you pumped! hahaha. When I see someone fighting, I'll kick out this song, haha.

joesuperbeaner this song makes me wanna fight, haha. their bass player is freakin' HOT!!!

These are 100% for real. See for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2bohKixLt8